Black Guy Machinski

N has changed his name many times:

• Death Skull
• T-Rex
• Rex Jones

(there's one that I'm forgetting, that I actually posted on Facebook, but I don't feel like going back through and looking for it.) 

Today, was an interesting name change. He came up to me, with his most serious face, and said, "My name is Black Guy." 

WTWTA

"Will you keep out all the sadness?"

"I have a sadness shield that keeps out all the sadness, and it's big enough for all of us"

Missing: One Magic Carpet

• N: I want to go to McDonalds.
• Me: Nope, not taking you there.
• N: Well, I don't know how I'm sposed to get there, I don't even have my magic carpet, anymore.

Cliche

There are a lot of things in this world, that I don't understand. One of them, is sadness, or constant turmoil over a relationship. I don't understand how strong women become shells of themselves over these men.  Especially women with children.

If you are a single mother, and your whole focus is men, then you have definitely got your priorities wrong. I see girls going back and forth in their relationships- single, not single, single. Are they looking for a daddy figure for their child? That's creepy. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with another man coming into your life at some point, and falling into that father role- if necessary- but do not go searching for it.  If I could give you single mothers (and fathers,) a little piece of advice, it would be this: Do NOT introduce your new significant other to your child until you've been dating for a few months, at the very least. I get that when you care about someone, you want them to meet and end up liking your child, and you also want your child to meet, and like them. Tough. The point, is to get to know that person enough, to know that you will be with that person for a long time. Your children do not need to be meeting man, after man, after man. (or woman, in men's cases) It's unhealthy for them, and confusing. 

And women with no children, you've sort of got it easy. I hate to say that, because no situation can be compared equally until you've been in all of them, but trust me, I have been.  It's easy to meet guys, although not necessarily the right guys. It's easier to bring them around the house, it's easier to do whatever you want with them, without having to worry about another (cuter, smaller) person. My problem with you women, is that you don't bother to get to know yourselves. I know it sounds cliche', but if you don't get to know, love, and respect yourself, you'll get nothing positive in return. I WAS you, so don't think I'm just some judgemental bitty up on her high horse. No, before I learned any of this, I was running around, throwing myself at people, because.... I don't know? Lack of attention? Sluttyness? Call it what you will, it's pathetic. Even if you are not sleeping with these people, it's still kind of trashy. I know it's not easy, but love yourselves! You are so worth it. Do this, for yourself, and eventually, a wonderful man, who also deserves that same love and respect, will come around. He'll treat you like gold, because that's what you demand of others, when you realize your worth. 

Or maybe I'm picturing something that only happens in fairy tails? Maybe It's a little easier for me, personally to focus on only my child, or my education, or myself, simply because I haven't been in a (real) relationship in years.  Maybe, if I ever enter that dating game, once again, I'll realize that's it's not as easy as just "loving yourself" to get the right man to come along.  Maybe you could love the shit out of yourself, but get taken advantage of, because some people are just plain bad. I, personally, have no desire to be with anyone now. I have no desire to be married. Right now, my main focus is my son, and school. (I have one "love of my life" that I would probably marry in a minute, if asked, but that won't happen, so it's a non issue.) 

Just try not to waste your life constantly worrying about men, or other people, in general. While you sit there crying over a man who just broke your heart, you are missing out on time with your child. Or time with friends, and family. Don't let someone else be in control of your life. I am WOMAN. Hear me ROAR. *giggle*

Becoming Your Own Soul Mate

I think everyone, regardless of whether they realize it or not, is searching for the perfect mate, or "soul mate." Someone who is the mirror image of you- intellectually, morally, spiritually. Someone who knows you, completely, someone who knows your every flaw, and loves you, in spite of them, and vice-versa.

I wonder, though, how is it possible to find this soul mate, unless you, yourself ARE your soul mate? As in, you have to know yourself, you have to love yourself, before it is possible to do those things with another person. I believe that through experiences, maturity, a LOT of alone time, and an open mind, you can accomplish this. 

I feel like I went through my whole life, until I was about 24, with my head in the ground. Totally unaware of what my mind was capable of.  I might not be comfortable with who I am on the outside (at the moment) but I absolutely love who I am on the inside.  That absolutely does not mean that there is no room for improvement.  I am constantly willing, and wanting to improve myself, and my life, in every aspect.  But, I love who I am.  It's taken years, but I have finally become my own soul mate.

The Dark Side of CPS and DHS

I just saw a piece of a documentary, called Innocence Destroyed, about abused, neglected, tortured, murdered children in the care of CPS, Child Protective Services, or DHS, Department of Human Services. There are hundreds of cases where these children are wrongly taken from their parents, and placed into a "safe" environment, usually with family members, or foster parents. These children were found tortured and killed, in various, horrific ways at the hands of these predators. This video IS graphic, so you've been warned.

 I am going to school to be a social worker. (I've actually just changed my major to Psych for a certain reason, but that's another story) I'm going to major in psychology, and minor in.......... Human Services. Videos like this, information like this, disturbs me in so many ways. I would like to believe that any person involved in this field, would be trying to only do what's best for the children. When I see things like this, it completely boggles my mind! Your job is to take children out of a dangerous environment, and place them in a healthy environment. I realize how difficult this job is, and will be, personally. I understand that it isn't easy to determine a biological parent unfit to raise their own children! I imagine a lot of investigation has to go on before this happens. (in cases that aren't so obviously horrible) But, as a CPS employee, I would say that as much investigation that goes into taking a child OUT of an environment, should go into putting a child INTO another environment. You cannot trust anyone, and have to take every precaution. I couldn't imagine not doing my absolute best job at trying to help these children, and going home to my own son, and sleeping well at night. I don't know how these people do it.

 It scares me to think that I could possibly, someday, make the same sort of mistake. I imagine that not ALL caseworkers are going about their jobs half-assed, like those referred to in this video, yet sometimes, things still happen. I don't know what I would do if I made a mistake, and took a child out of a home, only to put them into an even worse home. As soon as those children leave the custody of their biological parents, they are CPS's responsibility. If a child is harmed, or god forbid killed, and I am responsible, I just don't think I could live with that. That's what so scary, and disheartening about this job. 

However, I am going to continue on with my plans to become a social worker. When my brother and I were little, we had a social worker for a short time. She was a comfort to me. I don't have many memories from my childhood, but she is a memory, and a good one. I want to be some child's good memory. If I accomplish anything in my life, I'd want it to be that. So, while this is discouraging, and frustrating, it's almost just as much motivating. Maybe I can can bust my ass to make things better in this fucked up system.

Jamberry Nails

Exciting news for girls! (and some certain fellas?) There is a website: Jamberry Nails that you should check out! I was just browsing through the different (cute as hell) options, and found nail shields, as they're called, with MUSIC NOTES on them. So adorable. I ordered them right away.

Hide and Seek

N has a habit of hiding various things in his pants. N also has a habit of not wearing pants. This means that all things are poorly hidden in his underpants. Latest thing he’s tried to hide in this manner? A glow-stick necklace.

Flapper

I just watched the movie Midnight In Paris, and I fell in love with the 20's. This movie was about a couple who are visiting Paris. The man finds out that at Midnight, he can basically time travel to the 20's in Paris. (His ideal time period) He does find out, that it doesn't matter what era you exist in, you are never fully content.

As much as I believe that you are always searching for something better, more nostalgic, in movies, music, fashion, politics, etc. I absolutely cannot picture a time period where people are actually saying, "I'd love to go back to the 20th century, and listen to Justin Beiber, and Kelly Clarkson ALL the time." (Only giving those examples, because I am horrible when it comes to modern music at the moment.) It makes perfect sense though.
I am a huge fan of the 50's. Well, technically, the 20's through the 70's, but I'm narrowing it down here. It's my ideal time period. I adore the music, it was raw, innocent, or maybe not so innocent. It was passionate, and original. Original. There's a word that seems almost foreign right now. Is it even possible to be original anymore? Maybe people won't look back on these days as being ideal. I certainly can't imagine it.

Then again, maybe I'm going to decide to be happy where I am. What other option do I have, really? Be happy, or be miserable. "Live in the 50's" is not really an option. Plus, I am no housewife.

Turophobia

Too many times, I've told N to sit right in his chair. He has a Lego top table, and a little wooden chair to go with it. There was two of them, but that's a story for another day. I just watched him fall -along with his chair- sideways, almost hitting his table. 

He came over to me crying, because he hurt his back. First words out of his mouth whenever he gets hurt, are, "Is it bleeding?" I said, "No, looks like it's going to be a bruise, though." He started crying, so I asked him why that makes him cry. He said, "I'm afraid of bruises."

I swear, he's afraid of everything right now. Hopefully this is just a phase. I think my mom accidentally referring to him as "Nancy," was some sort of subconscious thing, in retaliation to his fears of...bruises (and everything else).